This is a guest post from Bokeen, you can reach his blog at blog.bokeen.com
Chicago’s rail system is comprised of over 200 miles of tracks and is a signature feature of the city. The system – known locally as the ‘L’ – serves more than a half million riders each day. As a result, one encounters a diverse cross section of individuals while riding the ‘L’. The Chicago Transit Authority has no target demographic; riders are black and white, rich and poor, young and old.
This is not to suggest that the taxonomy of the riders is not worthwhile endeavor. After thousands of rides on the ‘L’, I am uniquely qualified to classify the specific types of riders. This column is your field manual for riding the ‘L’; when you encounter one of these archetypes, you will know what to expect.
While this column will focus on ‘L’ riders, these archetypes are not confined to the city of Chicago, or to a specific mass transit system. I am certain that members of these specific groups can be found in metropolitan areas across the country.
Without further ado, I proudly present the first entry in this series.
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The Bluetooth Guy is most commonly found riding the “L” during rush hour on weekdays. While Bluetooth Guys do not prefer a specific rail line, they are found in a much higher concentration near the Loop due to the large amount of offices located downtown.
The Bluetooth Guy is easily identified by his most prominent marking: a Bluetooth phone headset affixed to his ear. In many cases, a bright blue LED on the headset will blink intermittently. This is a indicator that The Bluetooth Guy is awake, as it is believed that the light is darkened while he sleeps.
Little is known about the nature of this headset, which fuels much debate in the scientific community. Some believe that the headset is actually an evolved organ that cannot be removed from The Bluetooth Guy. This theory stipulates that the LED light is actually powered by the wearer’s nervous system. Others believe that the headset is removable, but serves as a fashion statement. They contend that the headset is effectively a 21st century earring.
There are few markings to use when identifying The Bluetooth Guy other than the headset. When originally identified in the field, The Bluetooth Guy often wore the clothing of a white-collar worker. In recent years, more casually dressed blue-collar Bluetooth Guys have also been spotted.
Also, it was originally thought that all Bluetooth Guys were male. However, recent evidence suggests that a very small number of female Bluetooth Guys can be found in the wild. Scientists are considering a gender-neutral name for the group.
The Bluetooth Guy is most easily identifiable by his behavior. Contrary to popular belief, he seldom places or receives phone calls. In the rare instances that he does use the phone, he speaks at an extremely high volume. Take caution if you encounter The Bluetooth Guy while he is using the phone; ear protection is strongly recommended.
The Bluetooth Guy is often found in a standing position, with one hand clutching the train’s grab rail. Many find it ironic that The Bluetooth Guy’s second hand is invariable twiddling with a phone, typically a BlackBerry. This negates the convenience of the hands free headset.
While the behavior of The Bluetooth Guy can seem off-putting, he is actually a quite docile creature. Many have successfully engaged The Bluetooth Guy in conversation, noting that his favorite topics include his mobile phone, his wireless provider’s coverage area and the sound quality of his Bluetooth headset.
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